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Cameron Creath Hidden Bias Reflection

After participating in several of the hidden biases tests I am uncomfortable because diagnosing racism and sexism has always been so intangible. Getting a written result after a test makes me sad because it confirms fears in me that I don’t want to know, like my hidden sexist and racist biases. My first instinct is to act defensively, and point out that I only slightly one way or another. I am compelled to point out that I could be a lot worse, or that my biases are harmless because they are only categorized as slight. I don’t want to come across as bigoted. I don’t want my interactions with other people to be tainted by seeing one group of people as preferential. Like all of my interactions with the group I don’t prefer will now be insincere or false. 

My second reaction (perhaps obviously) is guilt. I feel this enormous weight of guilt that I have these biases that I logically know are wrong. It’s so easy to deny the biases when they cannot be quantified. Before taking these tests the biases are only theoretical. I feel guilty having a slight automatic association of Women with Family and Men with Career. I have some shame about my results that I wouldn’t want people to know. I feel like now I have something to hide and before I didn’t.

I only got one test result that was completely neutral. According to one test I have no automatic preference for straight people over gay people. That actually surprised me, that I didn’t reflect any guilt or shame over my homosexuality. I’ve never felt any, but I just assumed it would be there. 

My best friend (a heterosexual female) also did the same test and got a result that she has a moderate automatic preference for straight people over gay people. I guess it’s not shocking, and its not insulting to me either, but I wouldn’t want people knowing that about me.

One result that I was not surprised by was that I have a slight automatic association with Women as Unattractive and Man as Attractive. Being a gay man who often feels guilty and uncomfortable when just being in proximity to sexualized females I actually stand by that one. 

Lastly I was very pleased to see that according to one of the tests I moderately Identify as more Happy than Sad. Sometimes I am insecure (internally) because I don’t know if I am lying to myself about feeling happy. I have fought off a lot of unhappiness. Depression runs in my family. I only feel like the person I want to be when I am taking my antidepressants. I am actually proud to be in this category, considering all of the physical, social, and professional insecurities that I harbor.  


I don’t know what to do with this information. I don’t know what the goal is after this. Now that I know about some of these results I’m not sure if I am obligated to change them. What is right and what is wrong? Am I supposed to have no preferences? I am curious to know what my fellow classmates think they want to do with the information they have gotten from their test results. 

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